While I cannot take credit for writing this, I do feel proud to have inspired it... Thanks Kel...
cigarettes and ny fire escapes...
last night i had a date on my fire escape...
cigarettes and intense, soulful conversation...
she asks herself... who am i? where am i going? how can i inspire those around me?
she doesn't realize these are questions you are supposed to ask yourself on this journey we call LIFE...
she doesn't realize you're not supposed to know the answers...
she doesn't realize she is already on this journey...
she's afraid... be afraid little one...
embrace the struggle... face the challenge... let life kick you while you are down...
will you surrender? will you be defeated?
no... she is too strong for that... she is too smart for that... she just doesn't know...
its time... its time...
now ask yourself... ?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
Filling the void
Lately I feel empty. Its not even that I am sad or unhappy... I am nothing. Part of me thinks that is even worse.
I have become emotionless. Things dont feel like they happen by me or to but rather just simply around me. I am not touched. I am not hurt. I am not joyed. I am not pained. These days I just am...
Is it New York that is doing this to me? Kelly's friend told her the other day that we have become part of the "Metropolitan Abyss." There's nothing shocking, nothing interesting, nothing immoral or disloyal... things just are...
My best friend growing up told me yesterday that she didnt think we had much in common anymore and didnt see the point in even talking. Have i changed that much? The comment hurt me more than anything had in a long time, probably cause it made me realize just how vacant I had become. I am ashamed of myself and my unfeeling nature. And the worst thing about it is, I almost dont really see whats is so wrong with it...
I have become the empty shell in the city. Like so many other souls wandering the streets I no longer blink at the strangness of people around me, I hardly notice when I am gawked at or hollered to, I cannot be bothered to slow my pace on a crowded sidewalk. I have become nothing. No more than another city dweller trying to survive in a place that will literally eat you alive if you take anything to seriously.
There seems no way around it. If I had emotions, surely I would have abandoned New York by now. If I knew how to be affected I would have been knocked down enough times now to feel that something was not right.
But I can't feel a thing. My life has become a vast wasteland and I simply sit back and allow the emptiness to wash upon me each passing day until they all blend together into one...
I have become emotionless. Things dont feel like they happen by me or to but rather just simply around me. I am not touched. I am not hurt. I am not joyed. I am not pained. These days I just am...
Is it New York that is doing this to me? Kelly's friend told her the other day that we have become part of the "Metropolitan Abyss." There's nothing shocking, nothing interesting, nothing immoral or disloyal... things just are...
My best friend growing up told me yesterday that she didnt think we had much in common anymore and didnt see the point in even talking. Have i changed that much? The comment hurt me more than anything had in a long time, probably cause it made me realize just how vacant I had become. I am ashamed of myself and my unfeeling nature. And the worst thing about it is, I almost dont really see whats is so wrong with it...
I have become the empty shell in the city. Like so many other souls wandering the streets I no longer blink at the strangness of people around me, I hardly notice when I am gawked at or hollered to, I cannot be bothered to slow my pace on a crowded sidewalk. I have become nothing. No more than another city dweller trying to survive in a place that will literally eat you alive if you take anything to seriously.
There seems no way around it. If I had emotions, surely I would have abandoned New York by now. If I knew how to be affected I would have been knocked down enough times now to feel that something was not right.
But I can't feel a thing. My life has become a vast wasteland and I simply sit back and allow the emptiness to wash upon me each passing day until they all blend together into one...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
