Beautiful mystery

Someone recently wrote me about my Blurb on the myspace page that describes "About Me". Although this is a person I have known for 5 years now he mentioned how it was almost like he knew me better from reading it... Doesn't that just seem fascinating? I think it just goes to show how much simpler it is to open up with who you really are in such an anonymous outlet like the internet. What I wrote in that blurb, none of it was secret, and I would have been happy to describe myself that way at any point... but knowing someone and actually understanding the inner workings are very different things. Rarely in a friendship does the question come up "Why do you think you are the way that you are?"

JSwis is perhaps the only friend I have that knows me inside and out. She understands my drive and motivation. Comprehends the way that I make decisions based on the idea that if I were to die today I would want to think that my life were at least somewhat interesting. That it was a little different than others.

I liked the idea that I fell in love with a South African and moved to London to spend the final months of his visa with him. I wanted the experience of living in sublets and sleeping on a mattress in my friend's living room upon moving to New York- it made the whole thing seem more challenging. I like to struggle. I like people who are different. I love surrounding myself with others that are even more messed up than I am because it makes me feel a bit less unusual but still part of an interesting mini-society.

So, I guess that's the real me. The one I have no trouble acknowledging but few may really know and understand. I once heard this Avril Lavign song that really got to the core of what I am about...

"To walk within the lines would make my life so normal
I want to know that I have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feel
Come on now, give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please"

That's me. I want to be anything but ordinary. In middle school I wanted to be a hippie until it became fashionable so I wanted nothing to do with it... I always try to find music before it hits the airwaves. I look to make friends with artists who inspire a different reality in life. I sometimes create various characters and personalities when I go out just for the experience of being someone else.

Perhaps Ben is right... maybe we should all introduce ourselves this way... but then again, sometimes the mystery is just as beautiful...