Soul Mates

So, out of boredom (and poverty) the other day, Kelly and I thought it was a fabulous idea to place personal ads on craigslist in order to both be amused by responses and possibly get some free dinners out of it. I myself have found myself with a number of "interesting" responders offering up dinner and drinks for this week. Part of me wants to just give up on the idea but the other part is secretly hoping that I can still find someone out there to complete me...

I know a personal ad seems like the wrong way to go about meeting a "soul mate" but when i really think about it, how is it any worse than being picked up by a drunk guy at a bar? Ryan was supposed to be a one night stand. He was my "i'm in another country so I am going to be wild and crazy and do something I would never do at home." When he walked me to the tube station the next morning, kissed me gooudbye and promised to call I nearly laughed at him out loud. Everyone knows you don't start relationships with the boy you get naked with on night one. This wasn't even a first date... it was a first meeting. Yet, a day later and I knew I was in love. So what's to say that the mockingly pathetic personal ad won't yield the same results. And besides... it makes for a fascinating story, which as I have previously stated is my sole motivation in decision making.

Of course, this gets me thinking of soul mates in general. I never really believed in them. I have never been one to really believe in fate. I claim to be skeptical and cynical yet at the same time I believe that i was destined to meet Ryan. I don't know why he stands out as different from the entirity of my belief system. Maybe because i will never see him again. Maybe because my love for him is about as productive as a my movie star crush on Colin Farrell. Its nice to be able to tell myself that no matter how many relationships come and fail (or never really start at all much to my disappointment), the real reason I cannot find love again is that I had a soul mate and I lost him. Nothing will ever work out because it is part of a greater plan to bring my little South African and I together again at last... Do I actually believe that? Not really. Do I even think I love Ryan anymore? Well, I'm not really in love with him but I like to think that I will always love him... in the way that someone still loves a grandparent that passes away but leaves behind all the beautiful memories of time...

I don't know why this is in my head... or why I am sharing it. I think my job makes me delusional sometimes...