Revisiting

I have always been an artist of words in my own right. The page has always been my canvas of expression, even when it was merely in the childhood way of diary writing. I have about 10 full journals from my adolescence. Elementary school all fits in own single diary, the kind with a little lock on the side and a pretty poem on the front (which I happen to still remember even though this particular diary I haven't looked at in years, "Sometimes I like to be alone Thinking, dreaming on my own Trying to see what makes me, me Following my own special path").  Once I hit the more anguished years of middle school and beyond I filled at least one journal per year, often an entirely new one over summer break alone. I was trying to discover myself and I left the imprint in words.

I love to read my old journals. Sometimes they are hard to take in, the lack of confidence and petty dramatics of the teenage years are often comical, and yet painful to recall. If only I could go back and tell that younger self how little it would all mean one day. How easy it really is to just love yourself and know others will follow. There have been times over the last couple years, since finding myself in New York, that I've thought how much I wish my 7th grade self could only see me now.

There was a milk commercial when I was a child that I recall. Both a male and female version, with a gawky child feeling insecure as they gaze into the mirror. But their image ages a few years, and then a few more, encouraging the younger self about their future (which of course involves being beautiful and popular by drinking milk). I think about this commercial a lot, even years later. I read my old journals and wish so much I could assure that young self about her future. If only she could see me now...