I Hate that I don't Hate You

(circa November 2002)

I hate cigarettes
especially Marlboro Lights cigarettes
I hate that you smoke Marlboro Lights
I hate even more that I do too
and think of you with every drag

I hate that I'm underage
I hate that you're younger than me and are not
I hate that you work in a bar
so every time I have an Amaretto Sour I remember
liking it better when you made it

I hate being stuck in Ann Arbor
especially with the obligation of school
I hate that you don't go to school
and live in London
I hate that I love London
but am scared I wouldn't love it without you

I hate that you have an accent
I hate how the way you say "cute" with that accent
is so darn cute
I hate that you end a conversation with "cheers"
I hate even more that you once ended it with "I love you"
but no longer do

I hate that I live in America
I hate that your passport says South Africa
I hate American taboos
and attitudes towards visas
I hate the American mentality of anything is possible
when we've painfully learned it to be false