The concept of cheating and its intrinsic badness has never affected me in the same way as it does most others who are as innocently naive as i. Perhaps its my disregard of the self conscious or the difficulty i have with emotion. Most likely its from my childhood.
I always hate when people want to blame their past for things but in this case there is no way around it. I was shown the ropes to cheating at an early age and now i live with the consequences. I was never witness to innapropriate behavior, neither of my parents were involved in an affair (at least not one i have ever been made aware of). My lesson in cheating was much more hands on. Direct. Truth be told, in my young impressionable years, my mother taught me how to cheat. At cards.
Its difficult to explain the game "Cheat" to someone outside the closeknit Garascia world. You would have had to spend summers at the lake cottage or Thanksgiving afternoons to truly understand the rules, or lack thereof. Even I have never been able to truly understand the childhood game of my mother and her sisters, but I embraced the cheating spirit wholeheartedly.
In high school it was clear that I was destined for a life of dishonesty, nominated my senior year for Class Scammer (securing the spot ironically by stuffing the ballot box). My fate was sealed.
I've never once cheated on a significant other however. While my issues with committment are fairly obvious (like a blaring sign tattood to my forhead reading "Cannot choose just one!") I have always managed to break off relationships before engaging in any activity with another (and a five minute rebound period does still count as being faithful).
But over the last several years, cheating and i have rediscovered one another in a new, unexpected way. While I may not be much of a cheater (when it came down to it the aggrevated combination of Jewish guilt and Catholic guilt is far too potenent for my own discrepencies), it seems that I have an unparalled talent for inspiring the desire to cheat in men. And I unfortunately find that my conscience hardly minds this challenge to my morals.
On the down side its truly bad news when you continue to fall for the ones someone else already has...
Currently listening to: Portions for Foxes by Rilo Kiley
Currently feeling: lonely
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After note: My father had a girlfriend when he started seeing my mother. In fact, he didn't end it with the girlfriend until he had already proposed to my mom.
Basically, I am living proof that cheaters sometimes prosper.
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